Today I had so much stress building up at work. All I wanted to do was ____. I figure that's the best stress relief around, right?
All my life I've held on to the hope. The hope that someday somebody would put a stop to it. I'd even help as long as it was done so non-violently. I've been waiting so long and had to put myself into the most compromising positions holding on to hope. I feel like I'm going to snap. Please ____, give me a sign! Please ____, please! I'm losing faith here! Do I cave in?
So I texted this biddy to see if she wanted to get busy. We never did before actually. We had a nice thing going playing this cat and mouse game. Sex was the 800 pound pink gorillalephant in the room. I think we both thought it made for an interesting dynamic. See, without the sex we had to look at each other in a way that I guess seemed sort of old fashioned yet set to modern times. Her words were more interesting that way. So anyway I felt so relieved as soon as I hit send! I kind of knew she'd say no, it was bad timing anyway. It was strange though. Like get this, I got off without getting off! I have been so fucking zen-like for so long that sort of get used to the ironic zaniness.
I had all these things that I wanted to do in my life. I'm very basic. I'm really basic. In fact, I'm a minimalist. In order to do and see the things I do I have to forgo a lot of things. It's difficult to explain and without proper teaching or with a guru like dude right there with you it can be self destructive instead of constructive. I have been perilously close to falling on that line for a long time. I must be good if I've lasted this long. I'm crossing a tight rope I've crossed a million times. One I know like the back of my hand. Waiting to land with my wheels rolling at full speed. Waiting for the proper time. Waiting for the signal.
Bing.com is the ____. I'm really liking this thing. I think it's ____ ____.
Waiting for the perfect wave. Off on the horizon. Swelling. Growing larger, heading this way, dude. You ready to surf the tube? Don't wipeout, ok? It'll be fun. It's what we all live for. Everybody else is surfing the little waves. You know what? After this wave let's surf the little waves too. I know that's what it's all about anyway, right? I didn't forget. Surfers don't forget.
I really want to ____ my friend in the worst way! I mean, who hasn't wanted to ____ their friend but this one is different. Not ____ each other's brains out might have driven us both insane. We are so basic. I feel like I miss the simple things way more than I thought I would. Just straight up ____ is the best thing in the world. We could have been doing that the whole time. I could have been ____ her ____ and she could have been ____ my _____ this whole ____ time. At the same time, ____, dude, she's a really close friend that I have so much in common with. We have the strangest cosmic connection. We don't really understand it and it's so rare. I sort of would like to keep this thing going if I could. If I could ____ her too that would be tops but I'm afraid of the typical scenario where it just sort of fizzles out. I guess that's part of the faith in a relationship I don't understand but have come to respect. I do have faith in her though. She said it was bad timing. I believe her. I knew it as soon as I hit send. And she took it on the chin like a good little ____ too. Baby, I ____ you and I want to ____ your ____ so ____ bad.
I should make a list of all the things that I've denied myself. They are the best things in life. You'd read it and be like, "why the ____ would you not do that?" Well, sometimes to really know and define something you have to know the opposite. I can firmly say that I think I understand and appreciate life more than the average person does. Every fiber of my being stands for those things. Those are the things that I want to enjoy again. Those are the things I've sacrificed enjoying so that you can enjoy them. So that I can enjoy them again another day. That day is coming soon. I can hear it looming in the distance. Timing is everything.
Please ____, make this be a better place for the humans. Let my work not be in vain. Let this work. I want to enjoy these things. Even if shit goes all to Hell and never comes through I'm going to enjoy those things anyway. I want to and need to ____! I have faith in you but I've become tired. I don't know how much more stress and pressure I can take. I want wants! I want people be able to want things and to have those wants and to want to want. I need to want! Just show me the sign, give me the signal, send me a text, post something on my wall, anything! I think I'm becoming insane! Wait! What's that sound? Do you hear it too? Is that your phone?
